El Principe Azul

I know most of my posts here are angry/bitchy rants about random nonsense, but this one's gonna be different. I really want to know what everyone thinks about this.

First, some background. I'm taking this class on Hispanic literature, and we're currently studying essays. For the past two class periods we've been looking at this feminist piece which, of course, is all about how women are "trapped" in the household setting and have great difficulty expressing themselves artistically, yadda yadda etc. Since I'm not into a lot of that heavy feminist nonsense, the only part that really caught my attention was a part about "el Principe Azul" (basically Prince Charming in English).

The essay stated that women are pressured by society into believing that we have to find this mystical "Prince Charming" in order to be happy. In some ways, I agree; Disney, fairy tales, you name it...they all end with our heroine being whisked away to live happily ever after with the man of her dreams.

Needless to say, this whole idea ended with a class debate as to whether or not this "Principe Azul" actually exists. My personal opinion is that he does, but that he is by no means "perfect" and there is not just one of him. To me, "Prince Charming" is the guy you meet who, despite any flaws or differences, is absolutely indispensable in your life. He might not be entirely flawless, but when you look at him you know you can't imagine life without him. There's no such thing as "perfect"...but, you'd be damned if he isn't perfect for you.

One girl in my class, however, took the debate down what I thought was an extremely depressing path. She claimed that there is no such thing as a "Prince Charming" for anyone out there, and that people only settle down with one another because they become comfortable with one another. Boy meets girl, they get used to each other, and they get married in order to avoid a lonely life.

Is it just me, or is that a horrendously sad way to look at life? It almost made me want to cry, thinking about that girl's outlook on life.

So, what do you think? Do you think people have a real chance at finding someone who fits into their lives like a puzzle piece? Or do people just end up settling so they won't end up alone?

<3

WTF, college?

It's nights like this, when I'm sitting here for the millionth hour working on some useless, retarded project, that I think to myself...why am I here? What is the point of college?

Well, if you ask me, this is just a bunch of bullshit to prove that you're willing to put up with stupid bullshit once you get a bullshit job. None of it really matters. My friends, these hours that we sit on our butts freaking out about tests/projects/whatever are entirely wasted in the end. You know that paper you wrote, the ten-pager you thought you were gonna have a heart attack over? Yeah, your teacher probably didn't read most of it. Just skimmed it. Made a mockery of your hard work. That test you took? The one that gave you anxiety attacks for a week? Once it's over, it pretty much vanishes into space.

Like the nerd that I am, I've spent the past few days reading a book about Shakespeare in whatever free time I've had. It made me think: back then, people our age did backbreaking work, whether it was farming or craft-making, play-writing or ruling a country. Sure, they had to put up with plagues, poor nutrition, and a general lack of medical knowledge, but at least they got to do something that mattered. They spent their time creating things, not studying for some class they hated. They were productive, and many of them actually loved what they did, whether it made them rich or not.

Nowadays, we're all about money. Go to the best school to get the best degree to get the highest paying job. Have you ever stopped to think about whether or not you actually like what you're doing? Is that paper, which is giving you migraines, going to get you closer to something you love? Or is it getting you closer to the so-called "good" degree everyone expects you to get?

It's not that I hate my major. I actually love it. I love using my skills as a writer in a classroom setting. What I don't like are all the little assignments that take up my time and don't really have anything to do with my future.

Call me a free spirit, but I don't think I was ever cut out for this school nonsense. I wish I were far away, maybe on a beach somewhere, just doing what I love: writing. If we didn't live in such a money-hungry world, maybe I could be doing just that. If every job out there didn't require a degree, maybe I could be doing something I love right now. Instead, I'm just wasting my mind on school.

I'd take Shakespeare's era over this one in a heartbeat.

Except for the lack of internet. Could I still keep that?

Loveeeeeee.

Ugh.

Welcome to the worst day of my life.

Actually, welcome to the worst week of my life.

First, my laptop's hard drive shits out, racking up a $200 bill (which, despite being paid for by my wonderful parents, is still annoying). Then, a check-up of my car reveals problems possibly costing up to $3000 to repair. And, of course, the cherry on top...well, I don't really want to go into that topic directly.

Let me put it this way.

Ladies, why is it that you all seem to be attracted to men who are already spoken for? I understand that a man who can commit to one woman is far better than one who feels the need to put his hand into every cookie jar (which is basically all of them). But really, what's the point of flirting with and trying to snag the one who already has a long-term girlfriend??

I'll break it down for those of you who are too stupid to understand (presumably because your brain has been scrambled by too much random sex with random weirdos). If you are actively pursuing a guy who is already committed and he is taking the bait, he is NO LONGER allowed into the category of men who are capable of monogamy. At the point where he starts flirting back or, worse, starts frequenting your bed instead of his girlfriend's bed, he is exactly the same as the rest of the scum out there.

Besides, what are you gonna do with him once you have him? Let's say he takes the bait, flirts/tumbles around with you, and even decides to let you replace his poor, deceived girlfriend. WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S GONNA DO RIGHT BACK TO YOU, YOU DUMB WHORE?????? Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he's capable of doing it to one girl, HE'S CAPABLE OF DOING IT TO YOU, TOO.

You are not the exception. You are the rule.

Even if he didn't diddle you while he was still with his girl, isn't he kinda fickle for turning his back on her to flirt with you? Is that the kind of boyfriend you want?

Ugh. Once again, I find myself saying GET IT TOGETHER LADIES!! If he's got a girl, leave him the hell alone!! He's someone else's Prince Charming, not yours; in fact, it's kinda sad that you're so insecure that you're too scared to try to snag a single one instead.

Anyway, I'm lucky I have a man who only has eyes for me...even though he has ample opportunity to stray. He is true to me even when he has some desperate little thing flinging herself on him in a way that only she would think is subtle.

*Sigh*

If you can't tell by now, my loves, this rant wasn't about you.

Thanks for listening anyway.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

Put a shirt on.

When you come to the gym, you're bound to see a variety of different fashion statements. You've got the meatheads in their sleeveless shirts that let their nipples pop out (weird), girls in shorts so small you're almost able to glimpse a crotch shot, and...oh yeah. The girls wearing sports bras.

Ladies...wearing nothing but a sports bra to the gym is simply not a good idea. You're going to piss people off no matter what. First of all, most of you should not be letting all that torso hang out. It's not that you're fat or anything (well, some of you probably are), but when you're wearing pretty much nothing, we can see every flaw. Don't think we don't notice your muffin top. Even if it's small, it's still a muffin top. PUT YO' SHIRT BACK ON!

And then there's those of you who have those perfect, rock-hard abs and barely any body fat. I get it; you wanna flaunt what you've got. Honestly, though, you kinda look like a stuck-up bitch. People are coming to the gym to better themselves, and as a gym employee, I hate watching people like you scare off the newbies. Plus, most of you who can justify wearing nothing but a sports bra really don't have the sweetest personalities. Face it, you're a bitch. That's why no one wants to run on the treadmill next to you, you social pariah. Put your shirt back on and shove your bitchy attitude back up your ass where you found it.

Ok, let's say none of this really applies to you. You look great in your little sports bra, and you're a sweetheart on top of it. Awesome. Good for you. But you still look like a slut. No one's checking out your abs and admiring your dedication to physical fitness. Those guys over in the "man area" are just trying to picture what you look like naked. Also, they're probably assuming it's pretty easy to get you in bed, since you're already halfway to Nudie-ville.

Let's sum this up, because I have shit to do. Wear a shirt to the gym, whether you weigh 80 pounds or 380.

Slut.

:)

Muah!

You're freaking delusional.

In order to understand where this rant is coming from, please follow this link and watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_FMpE4zeU&feature=player_embedded

Oh. Em. Gee. Spencer posted this on my Facebook and I pretty much died laughing. This is true on so many levels, especially here in Tallahassee where we (allegedly) have a higher percentage of good-looking girls than many other universities.

Yes, ladies. You are very pretty. You're in great shape, thanks to us hard-working individuals who create your gym experience every day. And yes, maybe you have been approached by local up-and-coming photographers and have done some shoots to help them build their portfolio. However, you are NOT...I repeat, you are NOT a model.

A model gets paid to pose her ass in front of a camera. She is typically signed with an agency, who then helps connect her to companies who want her to model products, clothing, etc. Therefore, I find it HILARIOUS when girls call themselves "models" after doing a shoot. Sweetie, if that were true, we'd all be models. I would, you would, hell, even your mom probably would.

I don't care if you do bikini contests on a regular basis. Did a fashion show at school or (like in the video) at the mall? Don't kid yourself. And I hate to break it to you, but posing on cars with all your nastiness hanging out at some skanky car show doesn't make you a model either.

Let's go over this again. If you make money from doing these things...if that's you CAREER...then yes, you can put the title of "model" next to your name. Good for you. If not, then you're just a girl who likes doing cute little poses in front of nice cameras.

Even if you've been in a local magazine or something...YOU'RE STILL NOT A MODEL! Not to be cocky, but I've been on the cover of Campus Talk in Gainesville and Tampa. Do I call myself a model? No. Because I didn't get paid, and it's not my profession. It's just something I did, and it was fun.

Let's do an overhaul, ladies. Be honest with yourself. Go to that Facebook album titled "modeling" and change the name. Call it "photoshoots" if you want. THAT is honest. "MODELING" is not.

One more thing...anyone can get a Model Mayhem account. Anyone. Your Great Grandma Gertrude probably has one.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble and rip apart your dreams. Actually, I'm not sorry. You're an idiot.

Besos!

Library = depressing.

A long time ago, I brought Spencer with me to Strozier library for an evening of frantic paper-writing. He looked around and said he absolutely loved it; with its cozy Starbucks built right in, it just seemed like the perfect learning environment.

Well, not all of us feel that way.

When I think of dear old Stroz, I think of death. I am consumed by a horrible drowning feeling. It's a nightmare that I just want to wake up from.

Sitting here, working on a huge project for the fourth straight hour, I remember quite clearly why I fucking hate this place.

Four. Hours. I was in class from 10 to 3:30, got here at 5, and it's now 9pm. I want to pull my eyes from their sockets using rusty sewing needles.

To put a nice little health-nut spin on this, let me remind everyone that stress is your ultimate enemy. Sure, it helps you get your procrastinating ass on a roll. Sure, you couldn't have written that ten page paper without it. But it's really, REALLY bad for you.

Studies have shown that stress makes you fat. Your body gets all confused and sends anything you eat right to your gut. Plus, you're probably shoving ice cream in your face while you're cramming for that midterm. Not exactly the greatest combo ever.

Also, say bye-bye to normal sleep. Stress causes you to stay up late. It doesn't let you sleep, even when you're done with whatever stupid academic obligation you decided to complete at the very last millisecond. It revs you up. Say hello to dark, baggy under-eye circles. Yum.

So, do what I do and stop giving a shit. I've been here for four hours and stopped giving a shit about three hours ago. And look how I'm turning out!

Get. Me. The hell. Out of here.

xoxo.

Ohhh, ladies.

This post is dedicated to all the lovely ladies out there.

Who am I kidding? The vast majority of you are freaking skanks these days. Seriously, so many women wonder why we are still treated like shit even though it's been forever since the whole sexual revolution thing started. Well take a look in your mirrors, girls; the answer is staring you in the face.

The problem is that you are all letting yourselves be treated like crap time and time again. Men are difficult creatures to handle, and you're royally screwing it all up. You're going out and acting like a little whore because it seems like the whores are the ones who actually get the guy at the end of the night.

Well, you're right. They do get the guy at the end of the night. They also get booted out of his bed in the morning and counted as a notch on his increasingly hacked-up bedpost. Is that what you really want?

Ladies, please. Stop making us look bad. Afraid he's gonna ignore you if you don't put out? Fine. Let him ignore you. The right guy will wait as long as you want him to. Hell, even if you don't want a relationship right this minute, it's still not a fabulous idea to go out every night and rack up those numbers (if you get my drift). The double standard is unfair, but that doesn't change the fact that it exists, and guys are less likely to even want to associate with you the higher your "magic number" gets.

Now, let's switch gears and talk about those of you who are fortunate enough to be in a relationship. Too many times I hear about couples where the guy is basically a complete asshole and the girl just lets it happen. You let him run around shitfaced with his frat brothers every single night, and you don't make it an issue when you don't hear from him for a few days. You saw him make out with that slutty freshman at a party, but you let it slide because it's college and you don't want to push him away by being to big of a bitch.

Holy shit, girl. Grow some balls. LEAVE HIM. He sucks, and you're better than that. He's out all night and doesn't call you? Change your number and dump any shit of his you have outside his door. Catch him cheating? Make sure he never even gets to set his eyes on your pretty face again. Repeat after me: HE'S. NOT. WORTH IT.

And for those of you who constantly say shit like "I don't believe in marriage" or "I never want kids" to try to make yourself seem more exciting to guys? Puh-lease. Look up your skirt. Do you have a vagina? Then yes, you do want to get married and you do want babies. You're hardwired for it. Besides, if he's a good guy and is a good fit in your life, he's eventually gonna want you to be his wife and have his babies.

Otherwise, he sucks. Get rid of him like last season's stilettos.

I know this is a hideously long rant, but there's a point to it. Just be a good girl, and be true to yourself. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but always stay true to yourself and keep your own interests in mind. Don't compromise your desires and your principles for any man, because you can bet your ass he will never do the same for you.

I'm not just some crazy girl going off on a tangent, either. I speak from experience. I have compromised my own desires in life and gotten absolutely nowhere, but I learned from it. Now, I have the world's most wonderful boyfriend who loves me for who I am. He genuinely wants to be with me and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize what we have, and I feel exactly the same for him. Others might have thought me to be an opinionated bitch in the past, but he loves me NOT DESPITE my crazyness, but FOR it.

And, by the way, Friday is our anniversary. <3

So, get it together ya skanks. Or become a cat lady when you're old and no one wants to "tap that" anymore. Your choice.

Kisses!

<3

You all suck.

Someone recently told me that my blog might be offensive to others and that I should "seriously think" about what I'm doing.

So, I've thought about it for a whole week. And my decision? Screw it. If ya don't like it, don't read it. You don't get anywhere in life without stepping on some toes, so I will continue to stomp them in my 5 inch heels.

Anyway. Back to the issue at hand.

What the hell is up with all of you lazy people not coming to the gym anymore? It seems like every time I walk in there's just a general hush around the building. The lines for classes aren't as long, the weight rooms aren't crowded with sweaty steroid freaks, and I can actually hop on one of the good treadmills without having to wait.

It's really pathetic, people.

What's worse is that the numbers in our spin classes have been dropping off. The classes that people used to have to fight to get into now have tons of extra bikes.

WHY??

I understand that everyone has a lot going on with school right now, but come on. Is it that hard to put the homework down for a second and hop over to the gym for a class? Your body could definitely use some stress relief, and my classes do just that. I'll get you sweating for a mere 40 minutes and send your happy, re-energized ass back to the books.

Also, while you're buried in homework, you're probably snacking on junk food to keep yourself going. Keep that up and you'll probably gain back the ten pounds I helped you lose over the past month or so.

Come on, people. Get it together. Tuesday at 5:30, Thursday at 4. Don't make me go out and recruit new regulars, because I will in a heartbeat.

For reals??

Ok, we really need to have a talk and air out some stuff.

Anyone who knows me also knows that I make fun of fat people. A lot. It's not that I'm a coldhearted bitch (ok, maybe I am). It's just that I know for a fact that no one has to be fat. It's not some curse put on you by whoever made us. It's your laziness. It's true that some people are lucky and have metabolisms that fly faster than Superman, but even if you're not one of the lucky ones, you can make changes to your diet/exercise routine.

And don't complain about having to spend hours a day in the gym and having to stick to a strict diet in order to stay in shape. If you really want to look good, you'll do it. You'll be happy about it, too.

Anyway, back to the point. Yes, I make fun of fat people. I am probably going to Hell (if there is one). But fat people do not bother me as much as their cousins, the obese people.

Case in point: Gabourey Sidibe, the "actress" who played Precious Jones in the 2009 movie Precious.

As I was flipping through the 25th anniversary edition of Elle, I had my eyes assaulted by a photo of this cow. She was chosen, along with 24 other women prominent in the media, to represent America's women in their mid-twenties for this special edition. Honestly, my only thought was WHY???

I realize that today's media is trying to undo a lot of the damage it has done to the female psyche in the past few years. They feel that, by throwing a nice photo of a "real" woman here and there, they are taking back the non-verbal statement they've been making for years: You can never be too thin. In that case, Elle might have a point. With the obesity rate rising past 30% in some states, Miss Sidibe certianly does fit the image of a "real" woman.

Is this what we want, though? Should we really be throwing our hands up in surrender and saying "this is ok"??

I hate to be nasty and mean (ok, I don't really hate it), but Gabourey Sidibe has no business being in a magazine. We should not be glorifying her hideous disease, which is consuming more and more Americans with each passing year. She is not beautiful in any sense of the word. I wouldn't even attest to her so-called "inner beauty"; how can you consider someone "beautiful" when they are slowly killing themselves and promoting it? Besides, she probably gets a lot of "pity press".

Come on, guys. I hate stick-thin, anorexic models and actresses just as much as the next girl. But I hate obese ones even more.

Sorry, Elle. You can stick a hippo in a dress, but it's still a hippo.

Side note: The Mo'Nique show is playing in the background. I hate Mo'Nique almost as much as I hate Gabourey Sidibe, simply because of the fact that she promotes fat as being beautiful.

It's not beautiful. It's killing you.

*Sigh*

I'm drained.

Smooches. xoxo.

Marriage??

I am awake when I should be sleeping, which obviously means that I'm on Facebook.

And is it just me, or is everyone getting married? Not at FSU, of course...people here seem to think that relationships are as terrible as the herpes strain they caught freshman year. But people I knew from highschool, back home in the real South?

It's spreading like wildfire!

Not saying it's a bad thing. Frankly I'd prefer to be around people mature enough to settle down rather than those who wake up to a new random in bed every morning. I simply find it really interesting to think about. I feel so young and so inexperienced in the ways of the world, yet quite a few people my age are settling down and getting ready to start families. Am I immature? Do I think about the future too little?

Am I falling off the wagon here?

Anyway, I wish them all the happiness in the world. Congratulations on finding the one who never wants to let you go. As for the rest of you, stumbling around in the drunken stupor of your final college years, just keep this in mind: the love of your life could be waiting just around the corner for you. Don't get so caught up in trying to party as much as you can that you overlook your potential missing puzzle piece.

People seem to have the mindset that, just because we're young, we shouldn't focus all of our attention on one person yet. That we need to "explore" and "experiment" while we still can. But I say this: what good is partying your heart out if you give up the chance to really fall in love? And what if you really did meet your soul mate tomorrow? Would you be ready to change your life, or would you let that person go and cling to your "freedom"?

Myself, personally...I say screw "freedom". I'd rather spend the rest of my days with someone whose life fits so perfectly with mine than have the perfect party lifestyle. But. again, that's just me.

Enough with the mushy shit.

Nightsies. <3

Daily Verbal Assault, Cheltoberfest Edition!

Today is my dearest friend Chelsea's birthday party, otherwise known as CHELTOBERFEST!!

Not only is this lovely lady one of my besties, but she's also basically the most awesome instructor the Leach has to offer. Turbokick, Cardio Party, Spinning...take your pick. All with that typical Chelsea booty-shaking style you won't find in other classes. :)

So, happy birthday Chels, and let's get crunkkkkk.

Which comes, of course, to my daily verbal assault!

So, all you college students around there. Wondering how you went from rock solid to nice n' doughy these past few years? Well, here's your answer.

Alcohol.

Let's not play coy here. We all know that, under your belly-covering shirts, you're hiding a squishy little monster. Perplexed? Take a look at that beer you're drinking...well...pretty much all the time. Beer is loaded with calories. Even most light beers average around 100 calories or more. And on a typical night of partying, you're drinking, what, like 6 or 7? At least? That's 600-700 calories right there. Over half of the calories you need in a day. Nice, fattening, empty carbs.

And don't let those 50-60 calorie beers fool you. They typically have less alcohol, which means you're drinking more of them just to get a buzz going.

Ladies, don't think you're smart with that fruity little concoction you're sipping on. Most of those drinks have just under 100 calories just for the liquor in them. You add cranberry juice, OJ, etc. to that little concoction and...damn girl, you've got yourself some thunder thighs in a glass.

For you classy little wine-o's, that glass in your hand is costing you 1oo calories as well. And you know you're not drinking just one. Plus, wine sucks and is probably the most boring form of alcohol ever. Sorry.

Not like any of this really matters, because we're all still gonna run out and be wasted little chubby bunnies every weekend (or every day, whatever your deal is). So, if you wanna cut back on the catastrophic damage, you've got a few options:

1.) Be a man and take shots. You won't have to drink as much to get wasted (compared to beer, where you've got lower alcohol content and have to drink more). Also, you're getting your calories strictly from alcohol instead of bitchy little mixers. Another variation of this option is to drink straight out of the bottle like I do, because I am an extremely classy person.

2.) Mix your shit with water or tonic. No calories, duh. However, this one pretty much only works with vodka and is also disgusting.

3.) Mix your shit with water/tonic and then add crystal light. Tasty, fewer calories, and you'll be shitfaced in no time. Once again, only works with vodka.

4.) Don't drink. B.O.R.I.N.G.

5.) Start going to the gym you lazy little weirdos. You'll burn off all those calories and be a more awesome person in general, like myself and all of my gym friends (xoxo). Actually scratch that, you'll never be as cool as us. :)

5.) Do what I did my whole freshman year and get so drunk that you throw it all up. Also, get perpetually made fun of at every party you go to for being the only person passed out on top of a table/dryer/under the pool table way before the party's even over. Freak.

Do these things or doom yourself to keeping that freshman 15 on until you graduate and are forced to give up binge drinking for your "Big Person Job".

Hope I didn't ruin it for you, you alchies :)

Anyway, love you! Let's get wasted!