Role Models: Are we confused here??

I get it: bone-thin is gross. Concerned Americans everywhere don't want their daughters to be negatively influenced by size quadruple zero models who are using every once of energy from that one lettuce leaf they ate to sashay down the runway. I feel the same way; who wants unrealistic expectations of beauty dangled in front of their faces? Most of us couldn't look like a runway model unless we developed an eating disorder or making a deal with the devil.

HOWEVER, I also feel like some of the "real woman" campaigns are going a bit too far. It's almost as though America is trying to do a complete 180, but it's still in an unhealthy direction. Companies like Dove and TV shows such as Mo'Nique's "Fat Chance" (which is obviously no longer on the air) actually promoted girls-who were OVERWEIGHT-as beautiful.

So, which is worse? Idolizing the stick-thin nothing up on the runway, or embracing a lifestyle of unhealthy excess? Why can't we just have healthy role models in the media? Is anyone as frustrated as I am?

Check out this video I made on the issue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEjKd_OE7nU . It's pretty basic...I'm no design genius...but I'm trying to branch out into the visual realm. You can check out my new YouTube page as well! I plan to "remediate" many of my blogs into videos, for those of you who are too lazy to read. :)

Don't ya love me?

xoxo

Thanksgiving....

Ah, Thanksgiving. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes...and of course, a little extra fat around the belly area.

As much as I love stuffing my face, I'm not a fan of coming back to school a few pounds heavier. I thought going home was an "instant-thin" move...after all, my parents are health nuts who freak out at the word "fat". But nooooo, my clothes are definitely feeling a little tighter.

Anywho, today marked the start of my "skinny for the holidays" diet, a.k.a. my Christmas present to myself. If you wanna get in on this action, here's some rules to follow. I'm trying my hardest not to bitch constantly.

1.) Eat retardedly slow. One bite per minute works pretty well. This is probably the oldest trick in the book, but I think it's the best; you get full with much less food because you're giving you body time to realize it's full. But don't take huge bites, you cheater...

2.) Think about your goals when you are choosing what to eat, as well as while you are eating it. This goes long with my first rule. Think about why you're eating what's on your plate, and your reasons for wanting to get healthy. It'll keep you motivated.

3.) KEEP A FOOD JOURNAL, AND DON'T LIE IN IT. Seriously. It's easier to steer clear of junk food when you're constantly keeping an honest list of what's going into your body. You might be more reluctant to reach for that cupcake when you know you're gonna have to stare at it in your journal all day.

4.) GET OFF YOUR ASS. Duh. You're gonna have a hard time losing weight if you're sitting on the couch all day.

Day 1 was pretty good for me. Got in a much needed killer workout. Hopefully these endorphins will help make studying less hellish...

Lovelove. <3>

P.S. That's a fat turkey at the top of the post. In case you didn't get that. :)

LOL.

I witnessed quite the spectacle today. While enjoying some oysters, I noticed a group of rather annoying customers sitting nearby. They complained about everything from the food to the service, and it was obvious to me (being an ex-waitress) that they were just trying to get a free meal. If you're a server, I'm sure you're getting a very clear mental picture of exactly the type of customer I'm talking about.

At one point, while I was lost in oyster heaven, I guess these people became further angered when their server supposedly "tossed" their change at them after being fed up with their antics. What followed felt so surreal: not just one, but MULTIPLE servers got into it with these customers. They told them they knew what they were doing...just trying to get another free meal by causing drama. As these annoying customers got more heated, so did the servers. They held their ground.

Let's just say things didn't end very well. Nevertheless, it was a dream come true for me. It was as if these servers were saying everything I've ever wanted to say (but couldn't say) to cheap, rude customers. Sure, some of them are probably getting fired. But they MADE. MY. NIGHT.

For those of you who don't know what it feels like to be a server, here are some basic tips on how to be a good customer:

1.) Don't try to complain your way to a free meal. It makes your server look bad, and it makes you look like trailer trash. Then again, if you're actually doing this, you probably are trailer trash.

2.) Learn the tip scale. 10% is for shitty service. 15% is for "ok". 20% is good, and 25% is VERY good. Also, don't shaft your server by leaving a small tip on an expensive meal just because you weren't aware of how pricey it was gonna be. If you can't afford it, go to McDonald's.

3.) Don't walk into a restaurant 5 minutes before they close. It's rude. Would you want to stay at work for an extra hour and a half?

4.) Be nice to your server. Half the time, if something goes wrong it's not his or her fault. How would you like it if he or she came into your workplace and mentally terrorized you?

It's not rocket science, people. Get it together!

xxxxxxx

Annoying much?

Once upon a time, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I was a Dietetics major, and I was convinced that I was going to continue on to become an R.D. at a rehab clinic. Specifically, I wanted to work with children who have eating disorders.

Even though that dream is dead and buried (thanks to my complete lack of math and science skills), I'm still intrigued by eating disorders. They are diseases unlike any other; they sneak in and grip the mind without anyone noticing at first. They are incredibly interesting, and I've always wanted to understand them better. Needless to say, I was pretty excited when E! came out with a show about the road to recovery for those who have an eating disorder.

Overall, the show is pretty interesting. It features all aspects of disordered eating, from anorexia and bulimia to binge eating (one girl seriously eats out of the trash) and eating chalk (wtf?!). One episode, however, reeeeally bothered me. It showcases the problems of a mom named Nicky who isn't anorexic...or bulimic...doesn't binge eat...doesn't eat weird foods...

So what's her problem?

She's afraid of cupcakes.

...Really? So now refusing to eat high-sugar foods (which I consider a good thing) is considered "disordered eating"? Puhhhlease. And when she hams it up for the camera during the "cupcake challenge"? Come on. No one believes that shit. We get it, you're skinny and you don't like sugary foods. That doesn't mean you have an eating disorder.

Here's my point, kids: eating disorders are serious. I have friends that have them. It's a nightmare for them. I also know there are people out there, especially young teens on the internet, who are just going through a phase and "trying" to be anorexic or bulimic. The truth is, though, that you can't just "become" that way; people who actually have a disease like anorexia or bulimia would probably give an arm and a leg not to have those problems in their lives.

That's why it bothers me when people like Nicky do stupid shit for attention. Fine, go ahead and try to starve yourself or whatever. The fact of the matter is, if you can look at food without being deathly afraid of eating it, you're not anorexic. If you don't suffer from severe binge/purge episodes, you're not bulimic. Stop making a mockery of my friends and the sufferers around the world who really do wake up to a struggle every day.

Thanks.

<3

WTF is up with going meat free?

For the upcoming issue of The Yeti (check out our website...http://www.theyetionline.com/), I wrote a lovely article about what vegans and vegetarians eat for the holidays. I learned some pretty interesting things, and some of the foods I read about seemed interesting (like soy or rice based ice cream)...but it made me think. Why the hell would anyone want to give up meat???

Maybe not everyone's as big of a carnivore as I am, but the thought of never eating meat again makes me wanna cry. Have you ever had what tasted like the best burger ever? Or a delicious turkey baked in the oven with the most delicious herbs on the planet?? Or what about the classic Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich???? How in the world could you give that up????

And for vegans it's more than just meat. It's any animal product. That means no more eggs, milk, or...CHEESE?? You won't eat CHEESE? That just sounds downright inhumane to me. Cheese is the very essence of my soul.

Anyway, I understand the benefits. Vegans and vegetarians tend to eat much healthier than fatties like me. You get a lot of benefits from a diet rich in veggies and fruits. At the same time, though, isn't it hard for you to get your daily requirement of protein? Animal protein is great for building muscle...so I guess have fun being flabby-skinny on your yoga mat.

Don't give me that "cruelty" crap either. I agree that maybe some companies don't exactly have the best facilities for their animals, but not eating meat isn't really going to solve that problem. You don't have to go meat free to protest the cruelty of some slaughterhouses. Just go free-range and find meat that hasn't been stuffed with hormones. And if you think the slaughtering act itself is inhumane, then you obviously have something wrong with you. From an instinctual standpoint, you should want to eat meat. It's what we've been doing...well, forever. Get with it.

You know what? Fine. If you don't want to eat meat, go you. Just don't shove it in everyone's face. I hate how books like Skinny Bitch try to force people into a vegan diet by claiming it's "healthier". In fact, I remember a specific line calling readers fat and pathetic (or something along those lines) if they aren't vegan.

Well, Skinny Bitch, The Bitch From The Gym may be "pathetic", but at least she's not miserable like you.

:)

Hugs, kisses, and lots of animal products!

Dissection of a wheat grass shot.

4:30 pm: What's this? Oh, you guys sell wheat grass shots? I heard they're really great. You know, like shooting vegetables straight into your veins. Yeah, what the hell, I want one!

4:34 pm: Wow. This thing is really green. Like, really green. I wonder what it smells like....ok, sniffing is a bad idea. Whatever, it can't be worse than a shot of plastic-bottle vodka, right? Be a man!! Bottoms up!!

4:35 pm: OMG. That was so not that bad at all. It tasted like grass. Big deal. I used to pluck grass out of the ground and eat it when I was a kid. What, that's weird? Eff you then.

4:45 pm: Hmm. Not feeling anything yet. I thought I was supposed to feel like Wonder Woman...? Oh well. Maybe it'll kick in by the time I get to Chick-Fil-A.

4:50 pm: My stomach doesn't feel so great. No big. I'm just hungry.

4:55 pm: OHMYGOD, what is wrong with me?? Have I been poisoned?? Holy shit, this line better move faster or this five year old is getting puked on.

5:00 pm: Ok, made it to the parking lot. We're on the right track. Deep breath in...deep breath out...I'm fine...I'm...

5:05 pm: Huh. Why is it coming up brown and not green...?

Lesson learned. Don't do it. I don't care what the hippies say. Soooooooo not worth it.

xoxo

On a serious note...

As some of you may already know, my possible future might include moving to L.A. Those of you who know me also know that I truly, desperately want a puppy. So, while paroozing the L.A. Craigslist for both apartments and puppies, I came across a post that really broke my heart.

I've got some pretty strong feelings about college students and pets. I think most of us (though I don't really include myself in this) aren't responsible enough to handle an animal. I've seen way too many pets neglected and sad because of the lack of attention they're getting from their owners. Also, a lot of you end up taking your pets back to the shelter because you just can't handle the situation.

Unfortunately, I've been there. I briefly tried o raise a kitten my sophomore year, and it was just way too much for me. Luckily for the kitten, though, I personally knew someone who really wanted her. Now, she has a wonderful home and is a spoiled little brat.

Most pets, though, are not as lucky as she was. Please read this Craiglist post that I've linked to my page, and really think about it before you decide to adopt a pet.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/pet/2049266853.html

Animals have souls like we do. They hurt and feel like we do, too. Their lives are precious. Really give this some thought, people.

Night.

<3>

Teaching the assholes a lesson...

Ohmygod. I just had the best idea ever.

Just a while ago, I was thinking about men. Specifically, I was thinking about how some of them can be selfish creatures who can't fathom anything other than getting their way. In every situation.

To my ladies out there: haven't you noticed how insanely widespread the double standard is? It isn't just about sex. Almost any situation has a double standard. Men treat you with disrespect and call you "stupid" if you don't have career goals; at the same time, you are never allowed to outshine them in the working world. They distance themselves from you when you are sad and complain if you want to talk about how you feel, but expect you to baby them and tend to their physical and emotional needs.

On top of it all, they want to have their cake and eat it too. Too many men these days think it's perfectly alright to keep a good girl at home and have their freaks on the side. They expect loyalty from you and can't give it back. Men do evil, awful shit all the time.

It's time to get even, ladies.

So, here's my idea. Let's say you've got a guy you've been with for a long time. You think everything's going wonderfully, and you're on the track to your dream wedding, babies, etc. Then, one day, your world comes crashing down on you. You find out he's been boning some girl from the office; you know, the anorexic blonde with plastic boobs. You're crushed, and you're trying to find a way to put your thoughts together and confront him when he surprises you. He gets down on one knee and asks you, the girl who has always been so wonderful and loyal to him, to be his wife.

How ironic. He's been doing the nasty with some slut and realized how great it is that he's got a good girl at home.

Now, you're probably thinking that any girl in her right mind should slap him and say NO. However, I've got a better plan. Bottle up your rage, fake a huge smile, and give him a great big YES!! Let him slip that huge rock on your finger. Wait a week or so, then write a nice little note to him detailing all the reasons you can't marry him (including the fact that you know about his little whore). Leave it someplace he'll find it, and make sure you're long gone by the time he sees it.

He'll be in a frenzy. Chances are, he'll be calling you off the hook trying to explain himself (why do they always think they can get away with shit by making up excuses??). Eventually, when he finally realizes you're gone for good, he'll probably ask for that insanely expensive ring back.

That's when you send him an email containing all the crazy pictures you took from your nice little weekend getaway with the girls in Vegas...financed by his fancy little engagement ring.

Burn.

:)

I don't know why I'm so evil. I really don't. This has nothing to do with my own life...I've got the most amazing man in the world. I guess I'm just sick and tired of seeing other girls get treated like crap. It's time to put your foot down, ladies. Men do shady shit to you all the time and laugh about it with their friends. I'm just offering you a way to do the same.

Don't you think you deserve it?

I do.

Besos! <3

Karma: Bitchier than the Bitch From the Gym!

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about karma.

There are a lot of things in this world that I really don't believe in. I don't believe a person can change their core personality. I don't believe that God/Whoever wants to micromanage our lives. I don't believe a college degree makes you intelligent. What I do believe in, and what I will always believe in, is karma.

Think about it: have you ever had the most awesome week ever? Everything good seems to be happening to you? You're like freakin' Good Luck Chuck? Or, have you ever had ten bad things happen to you in a row? You fail a test, lose your wallet, get a parking ticket, and fall flat on your face in front of hundreds of people...all before noon??

I think that someone or something is constantly taking note of how we treat people on a daily basis. THAT is karma. I know I say a lot of evil and bitchy things (both in this blog and out loud), but I know it's gonna come back and kick me in the ass. When I'm having a shitty day, I think, "Maybe I shouldn't have made fun of that fatass" or "Maybe I shouldn't have laughed at how ugly that chick was." I know, I'm completely and utterly awful. But if you think I'm not getting paid back for it, think again.

Karma's not all bad, though. For every horrible day I have, there are excellent days to make up for it. I think I've got a lot of good karma in my life for all the good things I've done, like being a good/loyal girlfriend, an obedient daughter (though that's a more recent transformation), and a good friend. When I see people drop things (money, etc.), I give it back instead of keeping it for myself. I also think I'm being paid back for all the shitty things some people have done to me, but hey, who knows?

So, we really do need to be good to each other. Stop being selfish. Think about the needs of the people in your life, and try to do what's best for them instead of just doing what's best for yourself. Find yourself flirting with everyone BUT your girlfriend? Think of her and break it off instead of having your cake and eating it too. Been fighting with your mom every time she calls? Check your attitude and be grateful for everything she's done for you. Find a designer wallet lying on the ground? Turn it in somewhere; someone probably really loved that thing and would be thrilled to get it back.

You might not get the rewards right away, but when you do get them, life will be absolutely lovely.

Love love.

16 and retarded.

Sorry I've been M.I.A. for a few days. Grandma passed away Sunday morning, ending a very long struggle with Alzheimer's. Rest in peace, Grandma. We all miss you.

Now, on to something Grandma would have LOVED for me to discuss with all of you fine people: everyone's favorite show, 16 and Pregnant! Underage ladies, here's a message for YOU!

Let me start off by saying that all of the girls on this show seriously have to be legally retarded. I don't want to start a debate on the whole pro life/pro choice issue, but...HELLO??? What makes you think it's gonna be an awesome idea to have a kid when you're still in high school? You are throwing away your youth based on one stupid mistake, and as much as you love that little creature that slithered out of your vajay, you're always going to resent it. How would you like to grow up knowing that YOU are the reason your mom didn't get to go to college? Although that might not be a bad thing...who knows what trouble she would have gotten into in college? I'll give you a hint: it involves a bottle of Everclear and ten naked frat boys.

Second, think of the economics of that decision. You're 16. You can't afford...well, anything really. Now, you're probably dooming yourself to a shitty job for the rest of your life. Hope you like saying "Welcome to Walmart".

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty: the baby daddy. The reason you're supposed to wait until you're older to have babies is that you've given the man in your life ample time to mature (and trust me...it's a slooooooooooow process). When a guy is 16, he's not thinking "Wow, I'd really like to settle down with this girl and raise a nice little family." He's thinking, "Wow, I would really like to stick my penis into lots of people/objects. And then maybe do some mushrooms. Yeah, sweet!" All these girls on the show are thinking that this baby is gonna be the eternal tie between themselves and their boyfriends. They're right on some level; he's probably always gonna be around to some extent. But, guess what?? He doesn't have to marry you!! And he's not going to, because you don't know anything about love or marriage when you're 16.

I mean, seriously. Just watch the show. All those stupid girls who thought they were gonna get married and all that bullshit are now single white trash on "Teen Mom". Oh, wait...except for one couple...Caitlin and Tyler! You know, the ones who gave the baby up for adoption. Good for them! Sure, they still say stupid shit about how they're gonna be together forever (which obviously means they'll be broken up after the first week of college), but still. I applaud them.

This is a rather long post, so I'll break it down into a simple equation for those who can't process this much reading material (i.e. the majority of American youth): getting pregnant at 16 = shitty life - baby daddy. It's that simple.

Also, as a general rule of thumb, don't have a baby with a guy until you KNOW he's in it for the long haul. I thought that was obvious, but apparently it's not...which is why we have this show in the first place...

I need a beer.

xo

El Principe Azul

I know most of my posts here are angry/bitchy rants about random nonsense, but this one's gonna be different. I really want to know what everyone thinks about this.

First, some background. I'm taking this class on Hispanic literature, and we're currently studying essays. For the past two class periods we've been looking at this feminist piece which, of course, is all about how women are "trapped" in the household setting and have great difficulty expressing themselves artistically, yadda yadda etc. Since I'm not into a lot of that heavy feminist nonsense, the only part that really caught my attention was a part about "el Principe Azul" (basically Prince Charming in English).

The essay stated that women are pressured by society into believing that we have to find this mystical "Prince Charming" in order to be happy. In some ways, I agree; Disney, fairy tales, you name it...they all end with our heroine being whisked away to live happily ever after with the man of her dreams.

Needless to say, this whole idea ended with a class debate as to whether or not this "Principe Azul" actually exists. My personal opinion is that he does, but that he is by no means "perfect" and there is not just one of him. To me, "Prince Charming" is the guy you meet who, despite any flaws or differences, is absolutely indispensable in your life. He might not be entirely flawless, but when you look at him you know you can't imagine life without him. There's no such thing as "perfect"...but, you'd be damned if he isn't perfect for you.

One girl in my class, however, took the debate down what I thought was an extremely depressing path. She claimed that there is no such thing as a "Prince Charming" for anyone out there, and that people only settle down with one another because they become comfortable with one another. Boy meets girl, they get used to each other, and they get married in order to avoid a lonely life.

Is it just me, or is that a horrendously sad way to look at life? It almost made me want to cry, thinking about that girl's outlook on life.

So, what do you think? Do you think people have a real chance at finding someone who fits into their lives like a puzzle piece? Or do people just end up settling so they won't end up alone?

<3

WTF, college?

It's nights like this, when I'm sitting here for the millionth hour working on some useless, retarded project, that I think to myself...why am I here? What is the point of college?

Well, if you ask me, this is just a bunch of bullshit to prove that you're willing to put up with stupid bullshit once you get a bullshit job. None of it really matters. My friends, these hours that we sit on our butts freaking out about tests/projects/whatever are entirely wasted in the end. You know that paper you wrote, the ten-pager you thought you were gonna have a heart attack over? Yeah, your teacher probably didn't read most of it. Just skimmed it. Made a mockery of your hard work. That test you took? The one that gave you anxiety attacks for a week? Once it's over, it pretty much vanishes into space.

Like the nerd that I am, I've spent the past few days reading a book about Shakespeare in whatever free time I've had. It made me think: back then, people our age did backbreaking work, whether it was farming or craft-making, play-writing or ruling a country. Sure, they had to put up with plagues, poor nutrition, and a general lack of medical knowledge, but at least they got to do something that mattered. They spent their time creating things, not studying for some class they hated. They were productive, and many of them actually loved what they did, whether it made them rich or not.

Nowadays, we're all about money. Go to the best school to get the best degree to get the highest paying job. Have you ever stopped to think about whether or not you actually like what you're doing? Is that paper, which is giving you migraines, going to get you closer to something you love? Or is it getting you closer to the so-called "good" degree everyone expects you to get?

It's not that I hate my major. I actually love it. I love using my skills as a writer in a classroom setting. What I don't like are all the little assignments that take up my time and don't really have anything to do with my future.

Call me a free spirit, but I don't think I was ever cut out for this school nonsense. I wish I were far away, maybe on a beach somewhere, just doing what I love: writing. If we didn't live in such a money-hungry world, maybe I could be doing just that. If every job out there didn't require a degree, maybe I could be doing something I love right now. Instead, I'm just wasting my mind on school.

I'd take Shakespeare's era over this one in a heartbeat.

Except for the lack of internet. Could I still keep that?

Loveeeeeee.

Ugh.

Welcome to the worst day of my life.

Actually, welcome to the worst week of my life.

First, my laptop's hard drive shits out, racking up a $200 bill (which, despite being paid for by my wonderful parents, is still annoying). Then, a check-up of my car reveals problems possibly costing up to $3000 to repair. And, of course, the cherry on top...well, I don't really want to go into that topic directly.

Let me put it this way.

Ladies, why is it that you all seem to be attracted to men who are already spoken for? I understand that a man who can commit to one woman is far better than one who feels the need to put his hand into every cookie jar (which is basically all of them). But really, what's the point of flirting with and trying to snag the one who already has a long-term girlfriend??

I'll break it down for those of you who are too stupid to understand (presumably because your brain has been scrambled by too much random sex with random weirdos). If you are actively pursuing a guy who is already committed and he is taking the bait, he is NO LONGER allowed into the category of men who are capable of monogamy. At the point where he starts flirting back or, worse, starts frequenting your bed instead of his girlfriend's bed, he is exactly the same as the rest of the scum out there.

Besides, what are you gonna do with him once you have him? Let's say he takes the bait, flirts/tumbles around with you, and even decides to let you replace his poor, deceived girlfriend. WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S GONNA DO RIGHT BACK TO YOU, YOU DUMB WHORE?????? Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he's capable of doing it to one girl, HE'S CAPABLE OF DOING IT TO YOU, TOO.

You are not the exception. You are the rule.

Even if he didn't diddle you while he was still with his girl, isn't he kinda fickle for turning his back on her to flirt with you? Is that the kind of boyfriend you want?

Ugh. Once again, I find myself saying GET IT TOGETHER LADIES!! If he's got a girl, leave him the hell alone!! He's someone else's Prince Charming, not yours; in fact, it's kinda sad that you're so insecure that you're too scared to try to snag a single one instead.

Anyway, I'm lucky I have a man who only has eyes for me...even though he has ample opportunity to stray. He is true to me even when he has some desperate little thing flinging herself on him in a way that only she would think is subtle.

*Sigh*

If you can't tell by now, my loves, this rant wasn't about you.

Thanks for listening anyway.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

Put a shirt on.

When you come to the gym, you're bound to see a variety of different fashion statements. You've got the meatheads in their sleeveless shirts that let their nipples pop out (weird), girls in shorts so small you're almost able to glimpse a crotch shot, and...oh yeah. The girls wearing sports bras.

Ladies...wearing nothing but a sports bra to the gym is simply not a good idea. You're going to piss people off no matter what. First of all, most of you should not be letting all that torso hang out. It's not that you're fat or anything (well, some of you probably are), but when you're wearing pretty much nothing, we can see every flaw. Don't think we don't notice your muffin top. Even if it's small, it's still a muffin top. PUT YO' SHIRT BACK ON!

And then there's those of you who have those perfect, rock-hard abs and barely any body fat. I get it; you wanna flaunt what you've got. Honestly, though, you kinda look like a stuck-up bitch. People are coming to the gym to better themselves, and as a gym employee, I hate watching people like you scare off the newbies. Plus, most of you who can justify wearing nothing but a sports bra really don't have the sweetest personalities. Face it, you're a bitch. That's why no one wants to run on the treadmill next to you, you social pariah. Put your shirt back on and shove your bitchy attitude back up your ass where you found it.

Ok, let's say none of this really applies to you. You look great in your little sports bra, and you're a sweetheart on top of it. Awesome. Good for you. But you still look like a slut. No one's checking out your abs and admiring your dedication to physical fitness. Those guys over in the "man area" are just trying to picture what you look like naked. Also, they're probably assuming it's pretty easy to get you in bed, since you're already halfway to Nudie-ville.

Let's sum this up, because I have shit to do. Wear a shirt to the gym, whether you weigh 80 pounds or 380.

Slut.

:)

Muah!

You're freaking delusional.

In order to understand where this rant is coming from, please follow this link and watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_FMpE4zeU&feature=player_embedded

Oh. Em. Gee. Spencer posted this on my Facebook and I pretty much died laughing. This is true on so many levels, especially here in Tallahassee where we (allegedly) have a higher percentage of good-looking girls than many other universities.

Yes, ladies. You are very pretty. You're in great shape, thanks to us hard-working individuals who create your gym experience every day. And yes, maybe you have been approached by local up-and-coming photographers and have done some shoots to help them build their portfolio. However, you are NOT...I repeat, you are NOT a model.

A model gets paid to pose her ass in front of a camera. She is typically signed with an agency, who then helps connect her to companies who want her to model products, clothing, etc. Therefore, I find it HILARIOUS when girls call themselves "models" after doing a shoot. Sweetie, if that were true, we'd all be models. I would, you would, hell, even your mom probably would.

I don't care if you do bikini contests on a regular basis. Did a fashion show at school or (like in the video) at the mall? Don't kid yourself. And I hate to break it to you, but posing on cars with all your nastiness hanging out at some skanky car show doesn't make you a model either.

Let's go over this again. If you make money from doing these things...if that's you CAREER...then yes, you can put the title of "model" next to your name. Good for you. If not, then you're just a girl who likes doing cute little poses in front of nice cameras.

Even if you've been in a local magazine or something...YOU'RE STILL NOT A MODEL! Not to be cocky, but I've been on the cover of Campus Talk in Gainesville and Tampa. Do I call myself a model? No. Because I didn't get paid, and it's not my profession. It's just something I did, and it was fun.

Let's do an overhaul, ladies. Be honest with yourself. Go to that Facebook album titled "modeling" and change the name. Call it "photoshoots" if you want. THAT is honest. "MODELING" is not.

One more thing...anyone can get a Model Mayhem account. Anyone. Your Great Grandma Gertrude probably has one.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble and rip apart your dreams. Actually, I'm not sorry. You're an idiot.

Besos!

Library = depressing.

A long time ago, I brought Spencer with me to Strozier library for an evening of frantic paper-writing. He looked around and said he absolutely loved it; with its cozy Starbucks built right in, it just seemed like the perfect learning environment.

Well, not all of us feel that way.

When I think of dear old Stroz, I think of death. I am consumed by a horrible drowning feeling. It's a nightmare that I just want to wake up from.

Sitting here, working on a huge project for the fourth straight hour, I remember quite clearly why I fucking hate this place.

Four. Hours. I was in class from 10 to 3:30, got here at 5, and it's now 9pm. I want to pull my eyes from their sockets using rusty sewing needles.

To put a nice little health-nut spin on this, let me remind everyone that stress is your ultimate enemy. Sure, it helps you get your procrastinating ass on a roll. Sure, you couldn't have written that ten page paper without it. But it's really, REALLY bad for you.

Studies have shown that stress makes you fat. Your body gets all confused and sends anything you eat right to your gut. Plus, you're probably shoving ice cream in your face while you're cramming for that midterm. Not exactly the greatest combo ever.

Also, say bye-bye to normal sleep. Stress causes you to stay up late. It doesn't let you sleep, even when you're done with whatever stupid academic obligation you decided to complete at the very last millisecond. It revs you up. Say hello to dark, baggy under-eye circles. Yum.

So, do what I do and stop giving a shit. I've been here for four hours and stopped giving a shit about three hours ago. And look how I'm turning out!

Get. Me. The hell. Out of here.

xoxo.

Ohhh, ladies.

This post is dedicated to all the lovely ladies out there.

Who am I kidding? The vast majority of you are freaking skanks these days. Seriously, so many women wonder why we are still treated like shit even though it's been forever since the whole sexual revolution thing started. Well take a look in your mirrors, girls; the answer is staring you in the face.

The problem is that you are all letting yourselves be treated like crap time and time again. Men are difficult creatures to handle, and you're royally screwing it all up. You're going out and acting like a little whore because it seems like the whores are the ones who actually get the guy at the end of the night.

Well, you're right. They do get the guy at the end of the night. They also get booted out of his bed in the morning and counted as a notch on his increasingly hacked-up bedpost. Is that what you really want?

Ladies, please. Stop making us look bad. Afraid he's gonna ignore you if you don't put out? Fine. Let him ignore you. The right guy will wait as long as you want him to. Hell, even if you don't want a relationship right this minute, it's still not a fabulous idea to go out every night and rack up those numbers (if you get my drift). The double standard is unfair, but that doesn't change the fact that it exists, and guys are less likely to even want to associate with you the higher your "magic number" gets.

Now, let's switch gears and talk about those of you who are fortunate enough to be in a relationship. Too many times I hear about couples where the guy is basically a complete asshole and the girl just lets it happen. You let him run around shitfaced with his frat brothers every single night, and you don't make it an issue when you don't hear from him for a few days. You saw him make out with that slutty freshman at a party, but you let it slide because it's college and you don't want to push him away by being to big of a bitch.

Holy shit, girl. Grow some balls. LEAVE HIM. He sucks, and you're better than that. He's out all night and doesn't call you? Change your number and dump any shit of his you have outside his door. Catch him cheating? Make sure he never even gets to set his eyes on your pretty face again. Repeat after me: HE'S. NOT. WORTH IT.

And for those of you who constantly say shit like "I don't believe in marriage" or "I never want kids" to try to make yourself seem more exciting to guys? Puh-lease. Look up your skirt. Do you have a vagina? Then yes, you do want to get married and you do want babies. You're hardwired for it. Besides, if he's a good guy and is a good fit in your life, he's eventually gonna want you to be his wife and have his babies.

Otherwise, he sucks. Get rid of him like last season's stilettos.

I know this is a hideously long rant, but there's a point to it. Just be a good girl, and be true to yourself. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but always stay true to yourself and keep your own interests in mind. Don't compromise your desires and your principles for any man, because you can bet your ass he will never do the same for you.

I'm not just some crazy girl going off on a tangent, either. I speak from experience. I have compromised my own desires in life and gotten absolutely nowhere, but I learned from it. Now, I have the world's most wonderful boyfriend who loves me for who I am. He genuinely wants to be with me and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize what we have, and I feel exactly the same for him. Others might have thought me to be an opinionated bitch in the past, but he loves me NOT DESPITE my crazyness, but FOR it.

And, by the way, Friday is our anniversary. <3

So, get it together ya skanks. Or become a cat lady when you're old and no one wants to "tap that" anymore. Your choice.

Kisses!

<3

You all suck.

Someone recently told me that my blog might be offensive to others and that I should "seriously think" about what I'm doing.

So, I've thought about it for a whole week. And my decision? Screw it. If ya don't like it, don't read it. You don't get anywhere in life without stepping on some toes, so I will continue to stomp them in my 5 inch heels.

Anyway. Back to the issue at hand.

What the hell is up with all of you lazy people not coming to the gym anymore? It seems like every time I walk in there's just a general hush around the building. The lines for classes aren't as long, the weight rooms aren't crowded with sweaty steroid freaks, and I can actually hop on one of the good treadmills without having to wait.

It's really pathetic, people.

What's worse is that the numbers in our spin classes have been dropping off. The classes that people used to have to fight to get into now have tons of extra bikes.

WHY??

I understand that everyone has a lot going on with school right now, but come on. Is it that hard to put the homework down for a second and hop over to the gym for a class? Your body could definitely use some stress relief, and my classes do just that. I'll get you sweating for a mere 40 minutes and send your happy, re-energized ass back to the books.

Also, while you're buried in homework, you're probably snacking on junk food to keep yourself going. Keep that up and you'll probably gain back the ten pounds I helped you lose over the past month or so.

Come on, people. Get it together. Tuesday at 5:30, Thursday at 4. Don't make me go out and recruit new regulars, because I will in a heartbeat.

For reals??

Ok, we really need to have a talk and air out some stuff.

Anyone who knows me also knows that I make fun of fat people. A lot. It's not that I'm a coldhearted bitch (ok, maybe I am). It's just that I know for a fact that no one has to be fat. It's not some curse put on you by whoever made us. It's your laziness. It's true that some people are lucky and have metabolisms that fly faster than Superman, but even if you're not one of the lucky ones, you can make changes to your diet/exercise routine.

And don't complain about having to spend hours a day in the gym and having to stick to a strict diet in order to stay in shape. If you really want to look good, you'll do it. You'll be happy about it, too.

Anyway, back to the point. Yes, I make fun of fat people. I am probably going to Hell (if there is one). But fat people do not bother me as much as their cousins, the obese people.

Case in point: Gabourey Sidibe, the "actress" who played Precious Jones in the 2009 movie Precious.

As I was flipping through the 25th anniversary edition of Elle, I had my eyes assaulted by a photo of this cow. She was chosen, along with 24 other women prominent in the media, to represent America's women in their mid-twenties for this special edition. Honestly, my only thought was WHY???

I realize that today's media is trying to undo a lot of the damage it has done to the female psyche in the past few years. They feel that, by throwing a nice photo of a "real" woman here and there, they are taking back the non-verbal statement they've been making for years: You can never be too thin. In that case, Elle might have a point. With the obesity rate rising past 30% in some states, Miss Sidibe certianly does fit the image of a "real" woman.

Is this what we want, though? Should we really be throwing our hands up in surrender and saying "this is ok"??

I hate to be nasty and mean (ok, I don't really hate it), but Gabourey Sidibe has no business being in a magazine. We should not be glorifying her hideous disease, which is consuming more and more Americans with each passing year. She is not beautiful in any sense of the word. I wouldn't even attest to her so-called "inner beauty"; how can you consider someone "beautiful" when they are slowly killing themselves and promoting it? Besides, she probably gets a lot of "pity press".

Come on, guys. I hate stick-thin, anorexic models and actresses just as much as the next girl. But I hate obese ones even more.

Sorry, Elle. You can stick a hippo in a dress, but it's still a hippo.

Side note: The Mo'Nique show is playing in the background. I hate Mo'Nique almost as much as I hate Gabourey Sidibe, simply because of the fact that she promotes fat as being beautiful.

It's not beautiful. It's killing you.

*Sigh*

I'm drained.

Smooches. xoxo.

Marriage??

I am awake when I should be sleeping, which obviously means that I'm on Facebook.

And is it just me, or is everyone getting married? Not at FSU, of course...people here seem to think that relationships are as terrible as the herpes strain they caught freshman year. But people I knew from highschool, back home in the real South?

It's spreading like wildfire!

Not saying it's a bad thing. Frankly I'd prefer to be around people mature enough to settle down rather than those who wake up to a new random in bed every morning. I simply find it really interesting to think about. I feel so young and so inexperienced in the ways of the world, yet quite a few people my age are settling down and getting ready to start families. Am I immature? Do I think about the future too little?

Am I falling off the wagon here?

Anyway, I wish them all the happiness in the world. Congratulations on finding the one who never wants to let you go. As for the rest of you, stumbling around in the drunken stupor of your final college years, just keep this in mind: the love of your life could be waiting just around the corner for you. Don't get so caught up in trying to party as much as you can that you overlook your potential missing puzzle piece.

People seem to have the mindset that, just because we're young, we shouldn't focus all of our attention on one person yet. That we need to "explore" and "experiment" while we still can. But I say this: what good is partying your heart out if you give up the chance to really fall in love? And what if you really did meet your soul mate tomorrow? Would you be ready to change your life, or would you let that person go and cling to your "freedom"?

Myself, personally...I say screw "freedom". I'd rather spend the rest of my days with someone whose life fits so perfectly with mine than have the perfect party lifestyle. But. again, that's just me.

Enough with the mushy shit.

Nightsies. <3

Daily Verbal Assault, Cheltoberfest Edition!

Today is my dearest friend Chelsea's birthday party, otherwise known as CHELTOBERFEST!!

Not only is this lovely lady one of my besties, but she's also basically the most awesome instructor the Leach has to offer. Turbokick, Cardio Party, Spinning...take your pick. All with that typical Chelsea booty-shaking style you won't find in other classes. :)

So, happy birthday Chels, and let's get crunkkkkk.

Which comes, of course, to my daily verbal assault!

So, all you college students around there. Wondering how you went from rock solid to nice n' doughy these past few years? Well, here's your answer.

Alcohol.

Let's not play coy here. We all know that, under your belly-covering shirts, you're hiding a squishy little monster. Perplexed? Take a look at that beer you're drinking...well...pretty much all the time. Beer is loaded with calories. Even most light beers average around 100 calories or more. And on a typical night of partying, you're drinking, what, like 6 or 7? At least? That's 600-700 calories right there. Over half of the calories you need in a day. Nice, fattening, empty carbs.

And don't let those 50-60 calorie beers fool you. They typically have less alcohol, which means you're drinking more of them just to get a buzz going.

Ladies, don't think you're smart with that fruity little concoction you're sipping on. Most of those drinks have just under 100 calories just for the liquor in them. You add cranberry juice, OJ, etc. to that little concoction and...damn girl, you've got yourself some thunder thighs in a glass.

For you classy little wine-o's, that glass in your hand is costing you 1oo calories as well. And you know you're not drinking just one. Plus, wine sucks and is probably the most boring form of alcohol ever. Sorry.

Not like any of this really matters, because we're all still gonna run out and be wasted little chubby bunnies every weekend (or every day, whatever your deal is). So, if you wanna cut back on the catastrophic damage, you've got a few options:

1.) Be a man and take shots. You won't have to drink as much to get wasted (compared to beer, where you've got lower alcohol content and have to drink more). Also, you're getting your calories strictly from alcohol instead of bitchy little mixers. Another variation of this option is to drink straight out of the bottle like I do, because I am an extremely classy person.

2.) Mix your shit with water or tonic. No calories, duh. However, this one pretty much only works with vodka and is also disgusting.

3.) Mix your shit with water/tonic and then add crystal light. Tasty, fewer calories, and you'll be shitfaced in no time. Once again, only works with vodka.

4.) Don't drink. B.O.R.I.N.G.

5.) Start going to the gym you lazy little weirdos. You'll burn off all those calories and be a more awesome person in general, like myself and all of my gym friends (xoxo). Actually scratch that, you'll never be as cool as us. :)

5.) Do what I did my whole freshman year and get so drunk that you throw it all up. Also, get perpetually made fun of at every party you go to for being the only person passed out on top of a table/dryer/under the pool table way before the party's even over. Freak.

Do these things or doom yourself to keeping that freshman 15 on until you graduate and are forced to give up binge drinking for your "Big Person Job".

Hope I didn't ruin it for you, you alchies :)

Anyway, love you! Let's get wasted!

I know you're faking it.

Listen. The truth is, you can't fool me.

When I'm up on my little stage on my instructor bike, looking down at you, I know when you're faking it.

You're sitting there on your bike, legs flying like a bat out of hell, your chunky ass bouncing all over the place. Why? Because you have no resistance on your bike. None whatsoever.

A couple of weeks from now, you're gonna start to get angry. You're gonna step on the scale and realize you're actually ten pounds fatter than you were before. You're gonna say, "What the fuck?? I've been taking these stupid spin classes and I've GAINED ten pounds??" Yeah, you're gonna be mad. All because you thought you could eat icecream for every meal and still lose weight with the spin classes I claimed were hard.

Well, here is my revelation to you. I am taking time out of my day to tell you that it's your fault. It's an easy equation...no resistance = no calories burned. You can pedal all day with your belly jiggling incessantly if you want, but nothing's ever gonna happen until you reach down to that resistance knob and give it a big ol' turn to the right.

And honestly, no one wants to see you bouncing around up there. You really do look stupid with your 5 billion mile per hour cadence when everyone else around you is climbing a hill.

So do me a favor. No, do the whole class a favor. Turn your resistance up when I tell you to. You might actually accomplish something.

Lots of love.

<3

Hello lazyness!

So, first blog post. Ever.

I guess I should use it to introduce myself?

My name is Casey, and I'm a gym addict. In addition to teaching Spin classes at Florida State, I typically spend anywhere between 2 and 5 hours at the gym at least 4 times a week. I don't do weekends, though. Weekends are for cheating.

I love tough workouts. I am obsessed with group exercise classes (Spin, step, kickboxing, etc.) but only if they make me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I also like to run. I take working out pretty seriously, and I have no respect for people who fuck around at the gym.

Those who have taken my classes would likely tell you I am crazy. :)

Anyway, I decided to start this blog because, as a student focusing on writing as a major, I could use the practice. This will also serve as a place for me to rant about all the things that bother me.

I'd like to share my craziness (crazyness?) will the rest of the world.

So I'll end this little note by saying goodnight. Also, come to my class tomorrow at 4 pm. Otherwise, you are a lazy sack of shit.

Love you!